歌曲〃孤独与绝望，als

艺术家〃马普斯

曲风〃纪录片

专辑〃als

好像在说一个很孤独，

很奇怪，很自闭，无父无母的孤儿。

他只能把自己的痛苦倾注于喜爱的艺术或音乐，

活在自己的世界。

却被别人的善意，慢慢打动，

愿意倾诉一点点自己的感受，善良的人，

为他祈福，也给他带来了祝福吧。

大概是这样吧。天将降大任于是人也……

谁知他的孤独成瘾是福还是祸。

人声采样来自纪录片《Kurt Cobain: A Montage of Heck》。

该片由Brett Morgen执导，

并获得柯本女儿Frances Bean Cobain的支持，

提供大量未公开的家庭

录像、录音、图片、demos以及歌集等等。

收集的未发行音乐和录音就超过200小时。

艺人Mapps选择这首曲子来伴奏。

我不小心循环了许久，毁了许多良夜。

He just was in so much pain
他历经蹉跎
That he, you know,
他 你知晓
took it out on his mom
离母
And took it out on his dad
离父
And took it out on his siblings
无姊无兄
But it’s almost like he didn’t—
一无所有

he didn’t feel worthy

无望
because he was rejected
无助
And I don’t know
我不知道
how anybody feels with
孤独何感
having your whole family reject you”
家人反对”
“He was searching for
“他只是寻觅
whatever made him feel like
自我上帝
he wasn’t alone
他不孤独
And that he wasn’t so different”
常人一样”
Well I know that
我知道
some people will say that
人们背议
I treated him maternally,
我待他如子
took care of him
关心备至
But I like to think that
我想如此
it was more I was trying to
至此无微
nurture him rather than take care of him
待他如常人
Trying to nurture
试着养他
who he was and get him to
帮他寻找自我
let him do his art,
尊重他的艺术
let him do his music
尊重他的音乐
And encourage him
鼓励他的心灵
to get better at it
让他充满力量
as opposed to trying to stifle him
释放他的天性
But also not
但
trying to be the mom,
也要待他亲切
but trying to be a nurturing
尽力抚育
girlfriend—or friend”
成为他的朋友”
“So who would support him?”
“谁在支持他？”
“Me”
“我”
“And what would he do all day
“他一天都在做什么
while you were at work?”
当你工作的时候？”
“It was kind of funny
“有点有趣
cause sometimes he would just sit there
因为他只是待着
and watch TV for four hours
看数小时看电视
And you’d think
你想啊
he wasn’t creating
他不会创作
But he’d be playing guitar
但他爱吉他
while he was doing that
当他如此
or think of stuff later and then,
或时而思考这些事情的时候，
you know,
你知道，
and you go out for a few hours
你在外多时
and you come back
当回来时
and there’s a painting on the wall
墙上有着涂鸦
or there’s a big comic strip—
搞笑线条—
or whatever,
无论无何，
he wrote a song,
他写了歌，
you know, recorded it.”
你知道，我录了下来.”
“He hated being humiliated.
“他觉得自己备受羞辱.
He hated it.
他讨厌这样.
And if he ever thought
如果他不乱想
he was humiliated,
不会这样，
then you’d see the rage come out.
你会看到他发火
And he was very careful about
他也小心
and stubborn about
固执认为
how the way the artwork was presented
表现的艺术
because he didn’t want to be humiliated.”
不想自我蒙羞."

He’s home.

他在家
And he comes downstairs in his little
下楼时
whitey tighties.
仅有内裤.
No shirt. Barefoot.
赤身裸脚
Up and in his undies.
不整洁
And uh—hairy dong coming out.
发不正
That’s another thing
无他物
I got sick of looking out.
看着不适
And he’s standing there with this tape
他就这样站着
in his hand and I go,
我走了，
‘What’s that?’
‘什么？’
And he goes,
他离开了，
‘It’s the master cut to my new album.
‘他是我新辑原型
Can I put it on the stereo?’
我能播放么？’
And I go,
走
‘ Yeah! Turn it up. Up, up, up.’
大点声 调高
Cause I listen to music really loud.
声漫耳蜗
And I look at him and I go,
看着他，
‘Oh my god. Oh my god.’
‘上帝 上帝’
And I almost start crying.”
我近乎哭泣.”

“It just, every week it got worst.
"就像，每周如此.
And sometimes he would come home,
有时他会回来
I think to hide.
我想藏起来
And it was really bad.
真的糟糕
He started getting sores and
他的身体变得疼痛
losing weight and nodding out.
日渐消瘦
I was pretty sure he knew I knew.
我深信他知道我了解
That I decided one time to
我第一时间
just confront him.
仅仅是安慰他
And I went up to his bedroom.
我去了他的房间
He’s sitting on the side of the bed.
他只是坐在床头
And he was crying
他在哭泣
because I had just arrived.
我才来
And he knew
他知道
it was breaking my heart.
我的心碎了
That I—and I talked to him about it.
我与他促膝长谈
And he burst into tears.
他泪如雨下
And he was just ashamed."
他只是很羞愧

...end
....结束